What we consider and call, "relationship", is, when discerned by feeling, exactly the avoidance of relationship. Even in pleasure, there is the "low note" of lurking dissatisfaction and avoidance.
Both the feeling of relationship and of what we call, "avoiding relationship", are the avoidance of relationship.
It's all avoidance. "Qualified" relationship is avoidance.
"Unqualified" (or "quality-less") relationship, by definition and in actual experience, does not exist in the experience of things-in-relationship, which are themselves, aggregates of qualities.
To exist is to stand out. "EX": out, as in, "external". If it stands out, it stands out by virtue of some quality: it's "qualified".
Nothing unqualified can be said to exist, or can be located by attention. Attention, itself, is qualified by its objects. No quality, no experience of attention.
Therefore, to seek, work for, or reinforce relationship or relatedness is to reinforce qualification, and to reinforce qualification is to reinforce relatedness, which is by feeling, recognized to be the same as the feeling of avoidance. That may explain the difficulties of marriages and relationships and the frustration of perfectionism.
To reinforce relatedness, and its qualities, is to reinforce avoidance.
No action in that domain of experience, relatedness, can undo avoidance. It's all avoidance.
Even this knowing fails to avail, for the same reason. Seeking the "quality-less" event flavors it with the effort of seeking.
Only the tacit recognition of the common identity of avoidance and relationship pops one free of the dilemma. "Tacit" implies felt, not analyzed out, by thought.
Feeling is common, or in-common, to both relatedness and avoidance.
Feeling persists and persists, by changing.
Feeling underlies all thought, all assessments, and all experience.
The feeling faculty is the substance of relationship. It is also the substance of avoidance.
Feeling is made of attention, intention, memory, and imagination. When those are awake, integrated, and balanced, they "go transparent". Their qualifies fade into balance and are lost.
In that manner, "form is emptiness and emptiness is form".
But not otherwise.
To seek relatedness is to seek the very distress that motivates the search for release from relatedness.
Only integration avails, and in so succeeding, disqualifies itself from (or dissolves) the qualities of relationship.
No-seeking is not an attainment, but "what" is "left", or felt, an absence of both relationship and of avoidance.
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