Four Qualities That Set the Destiny of Every Relationship

It may come as a surprise to you that there are four qualities that set the destiny of every relationship -- and only four, but by the time you have finished reading, you will recognize them in yourself and understand why past relationships have gone as they did and why present relationships are going as they are.

Those four qualities are:
  1. sincerity
  2. availability
  3. interest
  4. cooperativeness
I'm going to explain each of them, show how they work, together, and how they apply to relationships.

First, the explanations of each.


Let's start with sincerity.


Sincerity is being true to your word and true to yourself. That means, not only keeping your word, but only giving your word if you feel right with yourself, doing so.

I understand that there are situations where you feel compelled to give your word, on something.

If you feel compelled, you can't be sincere about it.

Sincerity is not, "being really persuasive", or being really emotional about something.

Sincerity is a condition of alignment between thoughts, feelings, and actions -- without internal conflict, misgivings, or second-guessing. It's being true to yourself.

"Tthine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

~~ Shakespeare


Availability is being present -- not just in some psychological sense, but also physically present. It's being present to being seen, heard, and felt.

Again, I understand that there are situations where you feel compelled to make yourself available.

If you feel compelled to make yourself available, you're not whole-hearted about it -- and if you're not whole-hearted about it, you're not really available.

Being available is not merely being available in some nominal way, like, "Call me, any time."

Being available is an emotional and physical state. It's being capable of listening and being honest. Lying and deception are forms of unavailability. So are breaking ones word -- our first hint at how these qualities work, together.

"Wake up. Clean up. Grow up. Show up."
~~ Ken Wilber


Interest is attraction to a situation, person, subject, or thing. 

Interest may be feigned, but you know the difference. If it takes effort to "stay interested", you're not really interested.

Again, I understand that there are times when you are not really interested in something, but you force yourself to stay with it. Sometimes, necessity is a factor. Just don't confuse that with interest.

Being interested is a form of, "eros" -- being strangely attracted to something. It's unreasonable. If you're interested for "a reason", there's a should, in there, somewhere, rather than that you simply are interested.

Sometimes, you feel wrong being interested in something or someone. That's too bad, for you -- not because you're interested, but because you feel wrong, about it. Anyway, you're not really in a quandary. If you take into account all four of the qualities, in yourself and in the other, you can be pretty clear about the situation.

Sometimes, you need to dig a little deeper to sift out the should from the "I am."

At the end of this piece, I provide a power-tool for that kind of excavation -- a very powerful power tool.

"Are you interested?"


Cooperativeness is "co-" ("with"), "operativeness" ("doing-ness"). If you're doing something with someone, you two are cooperating. If you're on a date, with someone, you're cooperating, at least as far as having gotten together.

If, on the other hand, one of you is not really interested, not really available, or not really sincere -- it's a bad date or, "date over" -- or "marriage over".

Again, I understand that, at times, you have to cooperate under those conditions. Maybe your boss (or partner) has asked you to do something you're not really into, at that moment. You may go through the motions, out of necessity. Just don't confuse that with cooperativeness. It isn't that; it's, "compliance". "Thank you for your cooperation," is something generally said when you did something you didn't really want to do.

Cooperation is whole-hearted; otherwise, conflicting motivations creep in and spoil the experience.

Which kind of cooperation would you want in a relationship?

"Ya gotta wanna."

How They Work Together

By now, you've already started to see that, but I want to be thorough and show you how, for a relationship of any kind to be successful, all four need to be on-line and working synergistically. The word for that is, "integrity" or "authenticity".

I'm going to present pairs of these four, all of them. You may take a moment with each pair and experience, "the light going on", as you suddenly feel them unite (integrate).

There are six '"aligned" pairings:

  1. sincerely available
  2. sincerely interested
  3. sincerely cooperative
  4. interested availability
  5. interested in cooperating
  6. available to cooperate

... and of course, the "truth standards"

  • sincerely sincere
  • interestedly interested
  • cooperatively cooperative
  • available to being available

Any resistance to these pairings reveals "where you're at" in relationships. It reveals your character, to yourself.

The Standard of Clarity: Non-Alignment in Relationship

Just to make sure you understand, at the level of feeling, I'm going to contrast each of the pairings with its opposite. (I did this with a couple of examples, earlier.)

  1. insincerely available (DISHONESTY) -- or --
    sincerely unavailable (HONESTY) -- or --
    insincerely unavailable (AVOIDANCE)
  2. insincerely interested  (DISHONESTY) -- or --
    sincerely uninterested (HONESTY) -- or --
    insincerely uninterested  (HIDING FEELINGS)
  3. insincerely cooperative  (SABOTAGE) -- or --
    sincerely uncooperative (ANTAGONISM) -- or --
    insincerely uncooperative (SELF-SABOTAGE)
  4. interested but unavailable (PRIOR COMMITMENT) -- or --
    uninterested but available (NONCOMMITAL MEDIOCRITY) -- or --
    uninterested unavailability (DISDAIN)
  5. interested but uncooperative (RESERVE) -- or --
    uninterested cooperation (OBLIGATION) -- or --
    uninterested uncooperativeness (NEGLECT)
  6. unavailable to cooperate (AVOIDANCE/HIDING) -- or --
    available but uncooperative (CONTRARINESS) -- or --
    unavailable and uncooperative (HONEST REFUSAL)

... and of course, the "standards of deception"

  • insincerely sincere
  • uninterestedly interested
  • uncooperatively cooperative
  • unavailable for being available

Applying All This to Relationships You've Been In

We meet in relationship in many areas and ways: work, love, sex, business. You can apply the pairings of the four qualities to any area of life and to any incident or situation.

Casual Relationships

A mix of the various aligned and unaligned combinations produces casual or superficial relationships. Consider Facebook "friends". Consider co-workers and people you encounter in business.

Consider any casual relationship. Look at it in terms of the pairings. Look at them in yourself and in the other. Look at words and look at actions; look at whether the actions are consistent with the words. Look at the activities you share. Revealing.

Close Relationships

Closeness occurs when all of the four qualities are active and integrated (all pairings are present). To the degree that the four qualities are present in their aligned form (first set of six), to that degree, we have closeness and it feels like closeness.

However, when we are close in one area (as in, say, having gone through a growth experience, a disaster or a big success, together), we may or may not actually be close in many areas. If feel close in one area, we may expect that closeness to apply to all areas of life, but what has developed is an untested, superficial trust factor that only potentially leads to deep friendship or intimacy.

Such relationships are "relatively" close and are only "relatively" revealing -- revealing of misalignments-in-relationship. The areas of misalignment are the sense of distance between individuals.

Intimate Relationships and Soulmates

Intimates and soulmates share alignment, not just in many areas, but in fundamental areas, in deep areas of self. We have an integrity that has stood the test of many circumstances.

Intimacy especially reveals our misalignments. The difference between "relative" closeness and intimacy is the willingness to grow and change under the influence of the other person -- and the willingness (and ability) to change, where misalignments exist.


Sometimes, the pairings of the four, in ourselves, and in others mismatch in different aspects of our lives, so that it seems that we feel differently about the relationship than they do.

When that happens, check for a mismatch between words and actions -- both in our self and in the other. There's a break.

Overriding and Imbalances

Sometimes, we override our feelings; sometimes, we are in denial.

The overriding of feelings and denial lead to imbalances that may occur in any area of life -- a break of integrity that can lead to a breakup.

What to Do, If . . . 

Let's say you're invested in a relationship, and it's stuck. What can you do?

You've already started the first step: Wake up.

Wake up,  in this case, means bring all of the pairings to the light of day -- that means, in yourself and in your perception of the other person. You can remember the ways in which things are stuck or broken.

The next step is, clean-up.

Ordinarily, the most people can do is "try". They may use affirmations, well-meaning efforts, communication, therapy, visualizations, etc.

From personal experience, you know these approaches are only "relatively" effective.

Allow me to offer a more powerful alternative:  The Gold Key Release.

The Gold Key Release is a way to deprogram yourself from forever-limitations that keep you stuck. It's an internal process that uses ATTENTION, INTENTION, MEMORY, AND IMAGINATION in a single, unified process. Many stuck places can be freed in fifteen to twenty minutes. Others, especially deeply entrenched conditioning, take more -- but there are ways to deal even with those. The result is more spontaneous right action, more free creativity, in the area addressed. Things go better.

Rather than explain The Gold Key Release and all of its steps, here, I'm offering you all of it on this page. My advice: follow the instructions closely, and start with something juicy -- an incident or something that bothers you. Moderately difficult situations are easiest to put through The Gold Key Release because you already feel them, distinctly, while they are not so "crusty" that you need a large number of passes through the Release to get them to dissolve. That way, you get a successful experience, early on, and can recognize the value of The Gold Key Release for many areas of your life.

Click the key, read, and get started. Ya gotta wanna. It's your life.

Wake up. Clean up. Grow up. Show up.
Are you interested?

Humanoid Self-Gratification Laid Naked: The Morlocks and the Eloi

A Window into a View of Life
The Gold Key Release, to Free Yourself from Forever Limitation
This entry may stir things up, in you. To settle those feelings after you've read it and "seen the writing on the wall", use The Gold Key Release. You'll feel better. Click the image, below, and do The Gold Key Release on the "stirred up" feelings, as instructed on the page at which you land.

Click the image.

The Gold Key Release:
to Release You from 
into the Space of Open Possibility

As a possibility . . . 
it's available in many ways . . .

as an actuality, it requires intelligence and sanity to enjoy it safely:


The intention of this writing is to appeal to your imagination
to attract your attention and get you to remember things.

Having done that -- and I mean this to be very important -- to dissolve the substance of it all by means I have provided at the end -- a lifesaver.

Persons and things consist of both form and substance. "Substance" makes "form" substantial.

People confuse "the form" with "the substance."
They may think that it's enough to have "substance" without being equally discerning about the "form" of the substance. People are not that discriminating.

In fact, the word, "discrimination", as been given a bad name -- even though it only means, "discernment". What has been popularized as the meaning of "discrimination" (by the official sources of information) is not true discrimination, but stereotypical discrimination, broad discrimination without attention to details. It is the word, "discrimination", indiscriminately used.

Without discrimination, people are unable to tell what is good for them from what is bad for them. They take too much of "the bad" along with, "the good".

That is the basis of materialism, that is, Consumerism
an attempted solution to the distresses of life.

If that escapes you, listen to this:

Two behaviors that involve self-gratification are the affliction of the world:

immature self-gratification
insane self-gratification

These are not the only two behaviors there are, but they are the two major afflictions of the socio-economic world.


abandons sensibility (intelligence) -- or never had it

Immature Self-Gratification wants things before it has created them or earned them.  It wants more before it feels it has earned it -- but it rationalizes that it deserves it. It wants it, now.  It confuses imagining something in a vague sort of way with imagining it with such completeness and integrity that it can be of value others. It wants the "owning" but hasn't the capacity to sustain having what it wants because it hasn't developed, enough. It hasn't borne its fruit, but it wants the fruit brought forth by others -- already.  It's a Consumer.  Infantile and childish behavior doesn't know it's infantile or childish.

Nonetheless, it wants its gratification  -- and those who aspire to Insane Self-Gratification will give it.

abandons conscience (integrity) for self-gratification -- or never had it

Insane Self-Gratification gets gratification from choosing The Unwholesome.

It accepts displeasure as part of its pleasure.

It chooses the things of its own pleasure and takes the pleasure despite the displeasure it afflicts -- and then tries to control the displeasure that comes with it, like taking a drug to counter the side-effects of other drugs.

Knowingly choosing what is unwholesome is the definition of, evil. It's also kind-of stupid.

It is the basis of Consumerism as a paradigm of marketing -- programming people to want things they don't already want, beyond what is beneficial, programming people to acquire meager (even if expensive), temporary (even if modestly fulfilling), or questionable (even if popular) pleasures in exchange for long-term displeasure -- the displeasure of being in debt beyond their means, of owing and not being able to pay, or of the let-down of the thing acquired not fulfilling the dream portrayed in the marketing -- portrayed to lastingly exceed the long-term displeasure of debt -- acquisitions depicted to make the displeasure worth it -- the tacit rationale for war, crime, and predation of all kinds.

One of the attitudes it holds is, " Businesses should be protected from interference simply because they are profit centers" -- a very simple-minded attitude. Don't you agree? 

Insane Self-Gratification is the arrested development or magnification of immature behaviors --  the desire to suckle at the breast more and more, and forever -- Immature Self-Gratification "gone 'Godzilla at Tokyo', 'Dracula in London". Insane Self-Gratification is as Thirsty as Dracula and as Big as Godzilla -- bigger, if the truth be told. It's appetite is more ravenous -- and it can't distinguish between good and evil -- the Legal Insanity Defense -- or simply won't -- the definition of guilty. However, like Immature Self-Gratification, it has a rationalization: because "business" is involved, It deserves it. It rationalizes because it secretly feels otherwise.

Insane Self-Gratification preys upon Immature Self-Gratification. It feeds off of unnecessary Consumerism in its own Super Consumerism. It's "The Consumer of Consumers -- The BIG Consumer" and Immature Self-Gratification is the source of its food. 

Immature Self-Gratification is The Way of life of The Eloi. ("the 99.9%")
Insane Self-Gratification is The Way of Life of The Morlocks. ("the .1%")

in H.G. Welles', The Time Machine

The Metaphor of The Time Machine

H.G. Welles' story, The Time Machine, was set in a future, post-war Earth.

In an early scene, we see the time-traveler in his time machine whirling into the future. The time machine comes to rest in a dark cavern. In moments, humanoid creatures discover the time-traveler and his machine in the cavern. In moments, they attack him. They are hairy, aggressive creatures with large teeth and eyes that glow in the dark. These are the Morlocks. The Morlocks are flesh-eaters -- mutants -- the ones who provide the sustenance of the Eloi. The time-traveler manages to fight them off and escapes in the time machine to a days-later time, still in the cavern.

After his first encounter with the Morlocks, we see the time traveler emerge from the cavern into an idyllic, garden-like setting. Soon, he comes upon The Eloi, a peaceful, aesthetically-refined people reminiscent of the Flower Children of the 60s. The Eloi live lives of leisure and gentle entertainments with their needs provided, mysteriously, on an ongoing basis. They are vegetarians.

In a later scene, we hear what we recognize as air-raid sirens. The Eloi stop their feasting, look up, and then file peacefully into the great mouths of underground shelters with heavy sliding doors that close behind them with a boom. After a time the doors slide open and the Eloi emerge -- but not all of them.  The flesh the Morlocks eat is that of the Eloi who come to the caverns when the sirens sound. They "farm" the Eloi. The sirens are theirs.

The Eloi correspond to those who live lives of Immature Self-Gratification. The Morlocks correspond to those who live lives of Insane Self-Gratification. As the Morlocks feed upon the Eloi, Insane Self-Gratification feeds upon Immature Self-Gratification.

That is the metaphor of the story, The Time Machine, as it applies to today.

What happens to the vampire's host after the orgasm of Blood Feast?

When Civilizations Fall

A Civilization dies, falls, or collapses either because of environmental calamity or, more commonly, because of Immature Self-Gratification wanting more than it earns and because Insane Self-Gratification doesn't care, as long as it can feed on Immature Self-Gratification. Insane Self-Gratification has the system rigged to maintain Immature Self-Gratification as its food source.

But for either, it's not enough.


Both want, "MORE" -- one of them, with good reason:

The Eloi are dependent upon the Morlocks, who give enough to sustain them but who keep their power over The Eloi hidden and unrecognized. The Eloi really do need, "more", for their own survival against the predation of the Morlocks -- more information about their situation and control over their own survival. Their dependency is their weakness. They remain oblivious.

The Morlocks are dependent upon the dependency of the Eloi for their sustenance and keep their power over the Eloi by hiding in the caverns, unseen and so unrecognized by the Eloi -- while they provide enough for the Eloi to survive as a food source. They want more Eloi -- for breakfast. They want to maintain control.

The two have the mood of, "MORE", in common.  It's just that one is predator and the other is prey.

The System of, "More"

In Consumerism, the Consumer is Consumed by credit-debt, the money from interest going to those who own the System.

In Consumerism, those who control the wealth skim wealth from the flow of money from the productivity of the producer in virtually all of its channels, while producing nothing but rationalizations. They are involved with getting the Consumer to consume more and different things, unnecessarily or excessively, to exercise power toward the accumulation of wealth, and through wealth, control, for Insane Self-Gratification. That's Never Enough.

The Displeasure of Never Enough triggers the idea in them that "More Would Be Enough" -- and on they go, choosing the pleasures of their undeserving life, oblivious or inured or desensitized or perversely cherishing the displeasures of their actions that make all they have, always, "Not Enough".

It's been said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I think that's stupidity. It never learns.

I think that insanity is "going for what is, and feels, unwholesome" as if it were wholesome.

That leaves the psychopaths, who override the feelings of people for the sake of their "one-channel mind" results. They, also, choose self-gratification. But just as they don't feel the feelings of other people, they also don't feel their own feelings. Those feelings are overridden by the tenacity of the logic in them, that They Are Doing Things Right. They are selectively perceptive, one-channel (wealth-and-power-and-material-pleasures) minds incapable of or unwilling to take in more criteria than, "Money Excuses Everything". A one channel-mind is another version of, underdeveloped -- a "one-trick pony" mind.

It's not that "money excuses" (although it's well known that the wealthy and powerful get away with murder), but that people excuse them, abandoning their intelligence and integrity for the hope of themselves (Immature Self-Gratification) becoming like the wealthy and powerful (Insane Self-Gratification).

What a stupid game -- both are forms of Humanoid Self-Gratification

How about this:

Immature Self-Gratification: Educate yourself. Mature into becoming more fully human. Develop your interests into abilities. Produce what is valued so that people will be glad to give to you. Get your self-esteem from living up to your own potential, not from others' social or political approval (which isn't self-esteem, but "other esteem" -- which doesn't really suffice, anyway). Exercise truthfulness to self, patience, persistence and creativity. Exercise creativity that embodies and advances well-being. AWAKEN AND DEVELOP YOUR INTENDING, IMAGINING, ATTENDING AND REMEMBERING faculties of intelligence. Get your intelligences on-line and connected.

Earn what you get within your capacity to maintain it. "By not advancing himself, he stays ahead of himself." (Lao Tsuh)

Overcome the indoctrination of Insane Self-Gratification. Deprogram yourself. Exercise your intelligence.

Insane Self-Gratification: You've seen that wealth, power, and consumerism are Never Enough, yet you haven't learned the lesson. In that, you're the personification of stupid -- never learns -- and insane -- going for what is unwholesome. You're smart in a one-channel-mind sort of way, but you create more detriment than you do, benefit, by preying upon Immature Self-Gratification instead of nurturing it because, "being in business, you deserve it," a slick rationalization if I ever heard one -- a rationalization  you have sold to Immature Self-Gratification to excuse directing the fount of wealth in your direction, while allowing a trickle to trickle down.

You think this is a "top-down control" culture, but fail to recognize that the foundation of your wealth are those on whom you prey -- and that their well-being funds your own. Wealth accumulates proportionally to its general circulation. When wealth accumulates in pools and doesn't circulate, stagnation ensues. It's "socio-economic diabetes".

Get your "Enough" from the "Enough" of others who had, "Not Enough". Partake in their relief and well-being, duly earned.

Overcome the indoctrination of "More Will be Enough". Wake up and redirect your lives.


But understand -- psychopaths are emotionally underdeveloped and/or emotionally dissociated (albeit cleverly manipulative and intellect-dominant) humanoids with one-channel minds some of whose "incoming information" channels (e.g., moral intelligence, empathy, and sense of integrity) are unawakened or clogged with dysfunctional programming from who-knows-where, and so, distorted and so, only humanoid. There's something humanoid about their brain functioning. Their, "Never Enough" conditioning sucks hard on the "wealth and power" channel, and may suck it with enthusiasm to the point of killing the host -- and harming themselves, in the process -- but that may not seem to matter, to them, because their moral intelligence is limited. Dinosaurs.

There is a way to bring on-line and balance the intelligences -- but you've got to want to. You've got to see bringing your intelligences on-line as an advantage.

"At no time in the world will a man who is sane overreach himself, overspend himself, overrate himself." (Lao Tsuh)

Click the image.

The Gold Key Release: 
to Release You from Forever-Limitation
into the Space of Open Possibility

On Mastery -- to Put a Bee in Some People's Bonnet

I use  the word, mastery, to mean,
  • expectation of success (not contrived or "supposed to", but actual and natural/earned)
  • easy ability to keep attention on something either internally or externally; 
  • easy ability to exercise deliberate intention upon it (or upon self), informed by steady attention; 
  • recognition (memory-based) of what's going on, either inwardly or externally; and 
  • intelligent openness to experience as it emerges (internally or externally), supported by the other three. 

As I mean it, It is the integration of 1st person, 2nd person, and 3d person perspectives -- as the integration of attention, intention, memory and imagination -- a matter of degree, not of some final state that, I agree, doesn't exist.

Not to have an appreciation of degrees of mastery, in my view, leads to indiscriminate acceptance of "poppycock" and, to use another word Tom used, impuissance. Flakiness. Reasons and excuses for failure instead of the intended results. Even masters face challenges and failures; they just succeed far more consistently than beginners or dilettantes.

I think you may be equating mastery with a mental, 3d-person perspective, only -- a status conferred by an external (e.g., academic) authority. I equate it, again in Tom's words, as "being sharp, level-headed, and having ones wits about one". To quote his "Clinical Somatic Education" article <>

"An authentic clinical somatic educator is one who so clearly sees what is the case that he can predict with accuracy the overcoming of a specific malady. The clarity and predictive certainty of Hanna Somatic Education are the qualities needed in a clinical modality in order to stand the test of scientific scrutiny and verification."

Pretty unequivocal, isn't it? separates "the sheep from the goats".

You said that, "one is not better than another." The quote, above, suggests that if I am honest, I must acknowledge some people are better, in this work (or something else), than others or better with some maladies than others are -- starting with Tom, at the time he trained us. If it weren't so, would he have written what I have quoted, above? Would he have had the audacity to declare a new discipline in the field of health care and to train us?

It means honestly acknowledging mastery as mastery, adequacy as adequacy, mediocrity as mediocrity and failure as failure (or as a "learning experience", if you like). Otherwise, "certification" is utterly meaningless (as, in some settings, it has become).

The Unknown unknown is both our origin and the nature of all emerging experience, our destination and what we face in every moment as it emerges "unknown" and becomes "known". It isn't word-mind; it's direct experience. Mastery, as I mean it, is the ability to "surf the wave of experience" with our faculties intact and functioning efficiently and effectively -- and to know the difference between that and being "lost at sea".

Thank you for, in effect, calling upon me to say these things, which people in these times need said and need to hear -- whether they like it, or not.


copyright 2017 Lawrence Gold

The Prophet of Pain

I'm not going to give you the humbug that, "pain is a learning experience".

Pain is a sign of too much dysfunction, dysfunction confronting the limit of our tolerance.

Pain is an insult and a challenge. It says, "Somethin's gotta change!" It's not a learning experience; it's a goad to a learning experience -- provided you have the means to change and the recognition of what you need to change (a tall order, in itself, on this benighted and tragic planet, where people are made to suffer without a way out, largely controlled by idiots with a thirst for control over others, but not over themselves).

I consider myself to have "come in" (to Life/Existence) in a worse, that is to say, in a more massive compounding of painful conditions -- and dysfunctional conditions leading to painful conditions and failures of various functions to come "on-line" -- than most people. That may be presumptuous, on my part, but in general I somehow doubt that most people have lived in the state of compound dysfunctions at the depth at which I have lived them. I could be wrong.

I am very nearsighted; my prescription was, at one point, -10 diopters. That's 20/1000.

My elbows can never straighten completely, due to limitations of the elbow joints, and that affects my movement.

The tops of my ears look as if singed or melted, like wax.

I have a ringing in my ears that I've had since childhood, that never goes away.

I've gone through periods of intense pain, both physical (movement:sensation) and emotional (behavior:sensation).

Physical pain:  back muscle spasms, sciatica, sacro-iliac joint dysfunction, whiplash injuries, a self-inflicted "gripping injury" in the right side of my neck and upper back that prevented me from turning my head right or left or forward, without searing pain down my upper back; a fall from a second story balcony onto concrete (managing to land on my feet), being hit by a car on my bicycle, and other bicycle falls; and roller skating accidents in which I fell or tripped over garden hoses across the sidewalk (twice), rolling out of control, staggering to avoid falling, and landing hard on my sit-me-down, causing pain I never dreamed could exist in a place I didn't know I had, until that moment.

Emotional pain: grew up in a family mostly devoid of empathy or engagement, feeling isolated most of the time, socially isolated from my peer group, given compulsory piano lessons, confined to the hated piano bench in the afternoons after school, to practice, while the other boys played, outside; frequently bullied and anxious in school, never got a valentine on Valentine's Day; subject to night terrors, chaotic altered states, and nightmares; sexually molested more than once -- by a neighbor boy and by a female babysitter -- and my privacy intruded upon by my mother in ways that I felt ashamed to be known. I was an intellectually, musically, and verbally gifted kid, a fair-haired boy (blond) who liked classical music and science and who read the World Book Encyclopedia set cover to cover, who had an active imagination. I could have been named, Poindexter, but instead, one of the boys who bullied me called me, Peabody. I was a timid adolescent with no close friends, always the last around the running track, in P.E., always the last picked for team sports. In my teens, I was forced to join an encounter group, whose other members, in cliques, kept distance from me, and where I was once told that I was unlovable. In my teens, my rolfer told me I was the most contracted person he had ever worked with, like concrete, he said. Thus, I acquired memories -- expectations, and ways of behaving and of recognizing (interpreting) experience -- that equipped me in life, for well or for ill.

I've been beset with many distorted values, controlling-belief traps than I now see can impede (and have impeded) me in various ways and that have generated unpleasant periods of life seemlingly beset by clusters and sequences of dense, ridiculous problems, and also confusions, maladroitness, social-developmental deficiencies, maladaptation and cluelessness. Delayed development. Neurosis. Entrapment. Bondage -- in this world but unlike those in it ... so unlike most persons that people have commented to that effect.

I've been crushed and disintegrated by waves of change going through my life, so that pretty much all that was left functioning in me were basic functions of life maintenance and my work, which I continued, as I was. I even wrote some of my books of somatic education instruction in the midst of those periods of crushing and rending change -- so I was able to function, after a manner. However, for one period, I felt I was in such a crushing vise that my speech patterns were disrupted; I could hardly speak -- meaning, form words and speak them. This speech condition continued for months, it seems.

I have been through several such crushing passages.

One of them was leading up to the period when I took training in two related disciplines having to do with human development:  The Rolf Method of Structural Integration and Hanna somatic education.

During the second semester of my training in Structural Integration, I had a dream, one early morning, a dream that I call, "The Sixty-Thousand Feet" dream. In the dream, I was in the gondola of a hot air balloon, but more like the enclosed cabin of a dirigible. It had portholes, and as I peered out, I saw a carpet of white clouds, below me, very flat and with the texture of cottage cheese, and the gondola was spinning, so the world whirled by, as we contined to rise. We were at 60,000 feet and rising as we spun out of my control. Sixty-thousand feet. Imagine what I felt.

I was into a period of rending tensions and pressures that arrested me, in place, and confronted me with a sense of contradiction in my way of apprehending experience and living. It was but the beginning.

During my training in Hanna somatic education, I was still in the grip of those gripping forces, a state of intensity, and a burning darkness. I had had a tee-shirt made for myself -- red and with the words in white: "Too Intense", and that, I wore during the training. Still, I was able to function, easily to take in and retain that in which we were being educated. At the after-training picnic/barbeque, I took off the tee-shirt and some of the others who had been students burned it.

It was still a period of darkness, for me -- of dark imaginings and dark moods, a period of untold stress and distress, a kind of seized-up self-compression that left me desperately wondering how to get out of it. I felt as if a marionette controlled by the hands of a cruel mischief-maker that made me suffer being my hapless self.

At the same time, I was "on fire from within" -- nothing glorious about it or poetical. It was very unpleasant: the feeling was of heat like fire emanating from my hands, chest, face, and the top of my head. Along with that, I breathed with a kind of spontaneous, cadenced panting that seemed to be the best way I had to regulate the intensity. This went on for months or years, I can't remember.

I was diagnosed with, "awakened kundalini", so I took shaktipat (spirit baptism/initiation). During shaktipat initiation I had visions of dogs dancing on bandaged hind legs and of two old men in long-sleeve shirts sitting at a round table with an umbrella, watching. Other than that, there was no discernable result.

I also saw a buddhist healer and spiritual teacher. She gave me a slip of paper with the words, "Om Mani Padme Hum", on it and the instruction to burn it in a strainer, wash the strainer with water, and drink the water. I did. It didn't help.

The only periods when I felt wholesome and more normal were when I was working with clients doing sessions of Hanna somatic education and for some period of hours afterward. I estimated that I had about one "good" day a month -- the burning darkness having abated, somewhat.

I've had a MOUNTAIN of stuff to work through, and first with inadequate tools from various teachings, then with increasingly adequate tools, and now with much more powerful somatic educational tools that have been revealed to me and that I have developed. Pain drove me to develop and use these tools because the alternative was, to me, intolerable.

A practitioner of Valerie Hunt's "Mindfield work,"  with whom I traded sessions, said to me, "It's a wonder you're still alive."


I began to reverse my condition at age 16, when I was guided to yoga and began breathing exercises; people noticed that I seemed more relaxed. That was a bare beginning of a long, hard "row to hoe". Over the years, I studied and participated in transformative teachings and processes, both ancient and leading edge contemporary in stages of twenty to twenty-five years each, concentrating on self-transformation with increasingly powerful modalities, drilling down into and learning to dissolve my conditioning. At last, I arrived at the core of my condition-ability -- a set of four co-efficient faculties -- attending, intending, remembering and imagining -- that I was given to call, The TetraSeed, because it is the root of all living functions and conditioning, without exception.

I've lived largely in isolation for many years, with sporadic contact with others that occurred during forays into town to do errands; my commonest social contact has been in restaurants, with the servers, there, and occasionally, with patrons. Most of my interactions with people were with clients and occasionally, with colleagues.

From that revelation, I developed the TetraSeed Transformation procedures, of which The Gold Key Release was the first. I have used those procedures relentlessly to uncover and dissolve the adverse conditioning of my pain and suffering, and then introduced them to others, with 100% success.

That's why I might be called, The Prophet of Pain.

Using these procedures, I've discovered myself to have been set in weird patterns of tension that seem to make no sense, primitive, perhaps; self-shapings and postural-distortions in mutually-counteracting twists that have a very unfamiliar feeling to them (literally, screwed up), that I have felt only as I come out of them. I've been holding myself and living as that -- a complex pile-up of distorted shapes of tension -- with only dim and partial recognition, often without any capacity to direct attention to them, at all -- aware only of an inchoate sense of unpleasant and unaccountable stress existing in and as me for an indeterminate time that fades into obscurity.

If you can identify with the passages of pain I have named, you may also accept the possibility that I'm on to something. Having suffered and counteracted suffering by dissolving the entrapments of experience back into their latent, neutral condition, I have transformed and dissolved much, and thereby overcome it -- not by imposing its opposite, but by dissolving it into virtual non-existence.

The bad conditioning I have dissolved is now available in a much healthier form, at a moment's notice, as required by the call of experience.

The term one might use is, Spontaneous Right Action.

What has this done? It's upgraded my functioning, altogether. Consider the quality of writing of this piece. It's made me smarter, more creative, more efficient, and more effective, given me a better emotional equilibrium. Now, I like the products of my efforts, better.

It's not so much that I know more (although that's true); rather, it's a change of how I function, spontaneously; it's a more effective use of information and the transformation of old behavior patterns; it's a more maximally effective use of self. I've been cleaned up and renovated, a bunch.

I'm not claiming that I'm through with the process I've been describing. I'm a work-in-progress. I'm claiming that I am onto something that works and have been using it to move through -- transform, correct and dissolve -- mementos of relationships and artifacts of personal history, the inherited heritage of species development and ancestral development that have been a burden upon my back and a snare about my feet. It's the transformation and dissolution of that -- first by bringing it to life then by so integrating it in myself that it dissolves into Virtuality (or latency). Dissolves means that something loses its density, and so, its strangely attractive grip on attention. Virtuality means, it's easy to bring the thing into existence because it continues as a latent tendency (hologram-like) in the ground substance of existence, available for activation, at need.

First you grok it, and then as you grok it, it dissolves, leaving only a difficult-to-locate Virtuality in the Ground of Being. You discover it is a mere expression of the Ground of Being, the Void, tending to come into existence as living qualities. Grok that.

I've done these awakening-and-dissolution activities in one trouble area of life after another and have been experiencing a trend -- a very long trend -- out of the pain into heightened awareness and enhanced functioning. My worst days, these days, are brighter than my best days, back when. Even when I'm testy, I sound pleasant. I've extinguished the sciatica, cleared up the S-I Joint dysfunction to the point where it is a non-issue and still improving*, reversed the effects of neck injuries and the fall from the balcony, better than new. I've gotten a one-diopter improvement in my glasses. The ringing in my ears is pleasant, when listened to. I've relieved myself of a bunch of my own witless conditioning, which has been forceful, in me. My relationship with my mother is friendly. Now, when I walk, I feel well-put-together and have continued to get better. I can comprehend what is hard to comprehend, and I have invented somatic education exercises and self-renovation procedures that function well; I can also dissolve upwelling/emerging stress conditions. I move well and function well -- some have said, at the "genius" level. Well . . . . . (looking down, the ball of one foot pressing down and turning on the dirt, like stubbing out a cigarette).

One who has "seen" can show others. Dissolving pain into Virtuality is profitable; it's the profit of transforming awful, heavy curses into blessings. They don't call me, The Prophet of Pain for no good reason.

"We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin:

Your mind just popped and you didn't notice."

* Update:
Two weeks ago, I had a sudden resurgence of sacro-iliac joint dysfunction. I couldn't sit up without my pelvis seizing up; I couldn't bend forward without having to tighten my belly muscles to avoid pain (making it difficult to put down the toilet seat); I couldn't roll over, except very delicately.

I trace the resurgence to some somatic work I did in my neck to correct a long-standing muscular imbalance (residue of the "gripping injury") and to the incomplete results of my previous practice of  somatic education exercises for the condition.

Glad to report, after a week of practicing the regimen of somatic education exercises I call, Comforting Your S-I Joints -- the same way as any client or purchaser might practice it -- I had recovered enough to fly to Mexico to visit my mother and to assist her in unpacking and moving furniture in her new villa.

I had to put this entry on hold until I had demonstrated to myself that I could "walk my talk" about somatic education. Here I am, again.

copyright 2017 Lawrence Gold

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The Shaping of a Shapeshifter

This is not a complicated thing; it is a simple thing.

I've not said this before, this explicitly -- but here goes.

Whenever we experience some feature of existence dissolve, as happens from The Gold Key Release, Thor's Hammer, and The Middle Way Memory Matrix Ritual -- in fact, as with all TetraSeed Transformation procedures, we also feel a stress pattern in ourselves lose its hold. Something lets go and we posturally shift. We reshape.

Let's look at each meaning of that paragraph.

"experience some feature of existence"

A feature of existence is anything attention can locate. An emotion is a feature of existence and so is an attitude, a thought, just as are these words in print, or a shoe, or your sense of self or your sense of me. Anything.

Those are examples of features of our existence.

When we say, dissolve, we mean lose its density, lose its location, lose track of its sense of existence.

That's the meaning of that first sentence. I knew it could be a mindful, so I unpacked it.

"The Gold Key Release"
"Thor's Hammer"
"The Middle Way Memory Matrix Ritual"
as with all TetraSeed Transformation procedures...

These are all names given to various arrangements, inventions, mental procedures made of the Four Fundamental Competencies of Intelligence -- which are 


the working parts of each TetraSeed Transformation procedure.

The "losing their hold on us" of stress patterns is the dissolving of any one or more of those Competencies of Intelligence in the moment -- not the "stopping" (which leaves it in place), but the dissolving -- the loss of density, location and hold. A stress pattern loses its grip -- we cease to create it compulsorily, lose the tendency, really.

How that happens is a matter of practicing those Procedures oneself, and experiencing. All an explanation would leave you with would be concepts -- and we're talking about the dissolution of the influence of concepts. That's all the answer I can give to the uninitiated. I'm talking about an experience.

To continue, as a stress pattern dissolves, there occurs a kind of relaxation someplace in the body (a somatic sensation) where we don't ordinarily relax -- and we're not ordinarily aware that we are ordinarily tense, that way. We become aware that we're holding tense, and in a breath, start the process of coming out of contraction, relaxing the tension, which causes us to move a certain way.

When the dissolution of a stress pattern occurs, we (as someone once described me, to myself) squirm. It's not just just a back-and-forth squirming; that would be a wriggle. It's more of a "progressively into a new shape" squirming, as if wriggling into tight jeans, only it's we wriggling out of a shape into a new shape, generally one to which we feel better fitted. It occurs spontaneously.

TetraSeed Transformation procedures: We reshape. 

Then, if we go into some stress pattern, again, as with deeply entrenched, encrusted habit patterns, we bring more intelligence to it and more freedom of choice -- and it's much easier to dissolve than the first time.

I said it was simple -- and the experience is simple. Look at what words do.

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Grievances are Memory Cysts | TetraSeed Emergent Wisdom

 A grievance occurs when we close off imagination (possibility) and fall back upon memory. A kind of memory cyst forms that traps some of our attention in a self-reinforcement loop; self-reinforcement is what is necessary to prevent the influence of new possibility (entering through imagination) to cause absorption of a memory cyst -- IF ya catch my drift. Probably not, without experience of what I've just described.

The trapped attention also traps some of our power of intention, so all four competencies (of all possible intelligences) are impaired -- those competencies being:


That set of four competencies is partially ensnared by every memory cyst. Memory cysts exact a cost upon human beings, making us less intelligent. 

That's why grievances are not best swept under the rug, for long: they don't go away; they lurk under the effortfull veneer of social civility or shared cause and they sometimes make us do stupid things. Again and again.

The easiest way to "repent" without humiliation is to open memory cysts by recovering the open channel of imagination, of what may be possible. How to do that is a technical question best answered by practical instruction.


Wanna know how?

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1 – Who is This Program For Lawrence Gold

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The Lenses and The Lasers | Self-Turned on Yourself | An Exercise in Neuroplasticity

A T T E N T I O N:



                                     -- horse training --                                       
       -- You're the horse. | You're the trainer. --       

Finding Ourselves Out 

You may have wondered at the TetraSeed MultiMatrix, shown at the top of the Facebook, Gold Key Release, group.

In this entry, I explain land show by example how to use the TetraSeed Multi-Matrix, turning it upon Eros, to transformative effect.


In doing the TetraSeed Integration Set-Up Procedure ( The Lenses and the Laser ), we prepare an Item-in-Life for Power Contemplation ( an Item-in-Life is anything that bothers us : it's an "item"). By means of The Lenses and the Laser, we prepare to put-and-take it through one or another TetraSeed Procedure, a number of which exist . . . . .

from the TetraSeed Multi-Matrix you may select any one "element" from each vertical column. Look above, now.

As examples:

  • ATTENDING, in column 1, left.
  • AGENCY, in column 2
  • CHANGING, in column 3
  • REMEMBERING, in column 4

Those are one possible set of four you may have chosen to use in the TetraSeed Set-up (The Lenses and the Lasers) procedure. You fit one element into each of the "faces" (or phases) and "points" (or focuses) of the Procedure, given at the end of this entry.

The Lenses and the Lasers

The "Lenses" are the two TetraSeeds -- one for subjectivity and the other for objectivity. "Lenses" gather things to a single point of focus.

The "Lasers" are the linking of those TetraSeeds at their corresponding places (signified by colors); that linking produces self-reinforcing, intense coherence. (A laser is highly coherent light.) They are linked, as shown, above ( by color ), and also by combination of each point with it's corresponding, complementary opposite face.

For example, in one case, we link Attending with Location ( same color ); and in the other case, we link Attending with the counterpart of Intending ( its special complement ): Existing (or any other element in the same column as Existing -- column 2). You may do the linking by means of the structured, Lenses and Lasers procedure, which follows.

Focussed and coherent.

Your "Item-in-Life", Whatever it Is

Your Item-in-Life may be anything that has caught your attention (you're caught about it) and can't move on without it, or even at all. It's all your "emotional-reaction buttons", and also your very sense of self -- and not just what you mean by, "I", but essentially the one who says and feels, "I", which commonly remains in the shadows, behind the scenes, only vaguely apparent. 

You're caught because you don't have awakened balance among the elements in the different columns, and so don't have control. Some elements are latent and unconscious, or subconsciously but witlessly active, possibly at full blast, influencing you "from the dark". You're competence is impaired, or you may appear to others -- or yourself-- to be whack-o, but in any case you feel bound to experience life as being that way.

It may be that your being caught is "nature's" way of getting you to stay, there, until all of The Four are up to speed and integrated with each other -- a kind of "booting up" process within a larger-scope, longer-term boot-up process -- maturation, evolution, entelechy, development.


For the purposes of interest and convenience, we use, "eros", as an example, so you know how to apply The Lenses and the Laser to your Items-in-Life, in general.

We could just as well have substituted anything -- and in practice, you will substitute anything in place of "eros" -- anything that has caught your attention ( you've caught it, the way you "catch cold" and seem bound to experience it ). You can't bring yourself to move on without feeling that you'd be missing something. Eros: Incompletion seeking Completion.

Something very interesting happens when we bring The Four on-line, in life, for any Item-in-Life. I explain, in terms of Eros:

Eros is what keeps "Narcissus" (familiar in this special meaning to Adi Da students), the self-reflecting one involved with his "machine of self" -- the formation -- or process of formation -- of his own "separate" self, or somatically alive, "carried around/carrying on self", and all the subtle movements of mind, the perpetual sensing of life, and being moved by life, moving oneself in life. It is The Trance of Entrancement in Life, the Waking Dream. Absorption in the formation of self.


Eros can easily be recognized as a trap. Ask any man who has had a hurt about a woman -- any woman who has been hung up on a man -- two examples. Eros may even be assigned fault, for the way things turn out. Eros is two-faced, Eros got us into this, eros is to blame. So Eros takes the rap.

Eros, running the show from "out of the dark", keeps Narcissus involved with experience. In that sense, Eros is to blame.

However, Eros is but one element of Narcissus, of which there are four. And the problem with Eros is a problem of The Four.

As with everything in life, Narcissus is a TetraSeed -- and a prevailing one in humans, altogether. Narcissus is the "remembering/imagining of an owner of memories", Narcissus is the movement of attention into the spectrum of imagination|memory, and the concurrent resurrection of willful involvement (intention), in one way or another, with what is remembered/imagined. Narcissus is the state of readiness to respond, the "ego-identity", idling or active, the conditional self made of "point of view", or "ready standpoint" -- called, by Adi Da, "self-possession". Narcissus is a way of operating.

Narcissus is unevenly awake, not-so-well integrated, a version of some TetraSeed Self in a state of distortion and a certain state of development.

The Four: attention, memory, imagination, intention.

Narcissus must have all four going, to function as Narcissus.

If any one of the four loses its "influence", all four collapse and Narcissus loses form; what is "baseline" to all that -- the Self-Existing Field of Unknown, Unknown (Formless Consciousness) becomes our (no longer "our") resting place, or state, or default.

A similar thing happens when all four get balanced and integrated. The whole thing begins to lose form or definition (finiteness) and becomes, at once, undefined (it disappears or becomes, "virtual" -- "virtual" meaning "latently there, but locatable only by deliberate effort, otherwise, imperceptibly influential). This is the TetraSeed Set-Up Procedure -- otherwise known as The Lenses and The Laser.

The difference between the two pathways is that the Your-Life-Item remains available for the play of life -- your life, and because you have balanced and integrated ( "tuned" ) the TetraSeed elements


of Your-Life-Item (whatever it is your working on), by means of The Lenses and The Laser , when it does arise, it arises with all "cylinders firing" and well-tuned. The mind reflects that way of operating, even as the underlying TetraSeed structure undergoes its alchemy.

We apply The Lenses and The Laser to, "eros" -- eros being both "the good guy" and "the bad guy" -- or "the good buy" and "the bad buy".

Here's video instruction in The Set-Up (The Lenses and The Laser) Procedure.

Turn The Lenses and The Laser on . . .


copyright 2017 Lawrence Gold